


Vicarious Trauma

by ScissorSheep



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Eventual Sex, Eventually it's resolved, Fluff and Angst, Jack's nipple kink, M/M, Mark's Daddy Kink, MedicalTechnician!Jack, Memory Loss, Military shit, Minor Pewds/Ken, Minor description of wounds, Pining, Porn with plot essentially, Public Sex, Sex Pollen, SpaceCadet!Felix, SpaceCadet!Ken, SpaceCadet!Mark, Unresolved Romantic Tension, space cadets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:02:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8148514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScissorSheep/pseuds/ScissorSheep
Summary: "There is an effervescent glittering dust in the air. It's enchanting and captivating, what Mark could only describe as dusk on earth, was slowly caressing the pink purple clouds lining the warm sky. The wind softly and gently carried the glittering hues around them in that moment. So this was what freedom truly was."~~~Mark signs up for the colonization of the newly discovered planet Dextreria were he meets Jack, Felix, and Ken. Join them as they conquer the stars, and battle their own personal obligations. Keep your enemies the closest they say.~~~This fic now has a playlist, check it out here: http://8tracks.com/scissorsheep/vicarious-trauma





	1. Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE STARTING!! AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THE TITLE IS DIFFERENT!! It's much more suited to the fic now and fits the atmosphere better, I'm much happier with the new title.
> 
> 1\. Jack and Mark are in NO way associated with this fic. As such do not tag them in this!!!!!  
> 2\. The boy's hair colors are different then they are in real life. This is done on purpose!! Mark has Cyan hair, and Jack has Lilac hair. Felix now has indigo hair. I thought it suited the whole futuristic gay boy drama theme here XD
> 
> Also, Atlas is the ship that is carrying the boys to Dextreria.
> 
> Sorry for the long intro! I hope you all enjoy!

It’s just past 17 hundred hours when Mark feels consciousness slowly return to him. The last thing he vaguely remembers is stepping into Atlas, with promises of Dextreria on the horizon. Sleep still plagues his system, slowly he fights it, muscles stiff and worn. He takes a deep breath, it’s not enough, his under armor is suffocating him. It feels extremely invading and tight.

He knows the notion is rather silly considering the fact that he wore his suit on a daily basis without any issues. The military wasn’t dull as to assign their men ill-fitting equipment. In fact it was rather remarkable the way the under armor managed to bend with his every movement. It was a second skin, a mechanism that allowed his human skin to breathe, sweat, and stretch rather comfortably. Having come to the conclusion that his suit was far too restricting (despite the clear evidence that supported otherwise) Mark felt the need to shed his suit pieces as well as his blasted under armor.

As soon as his stiff muscles are spurred into action, Mark feels his bones ache and creak their vehement protests. Really he felt as though he’d been through the wringer. Like the time he piloted his way through the Alpha system’s asteroid belt. Yes, he was one of THOSE cadets. He was cocky, and high with the elation and satisfaction of having a newly acquired title under his belt; Graduate of Yousila Space Cadet Training program. At that point in time, he was young and on top of the world. The stars were infinitely more seductive from space than they ever were on earth.

Mark is forced from his delusions of past grander, by the sensation of his skin splitting apart in wake of his movement. The seam of his lower abdomen burns hotly as he reaches back to the base of his neck. Wordlessly, and spurred on by the adrenaline coursing through him at the prospect of the unknown, Mark reaches for the zipper there and tugs it downwards, shedding his armor. He’s rather dizzy at this point and wobbles to his feet. Mark feels the blood rush from his face as recognition rips through him. The plipping of blood against the ground confirms his suspicions.

Feeling a rather dense fog consume his mind, Mark weakly manages to look around the room, he’s in a med bay. The last of his thoughts are too fuzzy and clouded as an intense wave of nausea overwhelms him, his knees clang against the sharp metal floor, cyan hair splayed against the unforgiving metal.  
~~~  
It’s quite a long time before Mark feels his awareness return, he’s flush against the same med bay bed he had graciously collapsed next to. A soft groan passes his lips as he vaguely processes the fact that his arm is moving despite his lack of control over his own limbs. He feels numb and sore as his arm is manipulated in many different ways. A wave of pure exhaustion washes over him as he manages to crack his eyes open. The room is rather dark besides a rather delicate neon blue light perched above him.

“Ah, Mark! You’re finally awake?” A rather pleased voice fills the air, Mark groggily drags his gaze to the other person in the room.

“Barely… I feel like my body was chewed up in a meat grinder…” Mark manages, fighting against the rather insistent tightness in his throat. Wait, who was he speaking to?

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, you were sedated heavily. You managed to somehow rip the stitches in your abdomen completely. It wasn’t a very pretty sight.” The man exhales gently and takes out a data pad made of hard light, taking notes on Mark’s condition.

Mark feels his brain slowly wrap itself around the concept that he was injured at all, the last thing he remembered was boarding the ship. He had lots of questions but settled on the one that seemed to be the most pressing.

“I don’t remember being injured at all. The last thing I remember was boarding Atlas, for the colonization mission of Dextreria…” It’s a mouthful and Mark finds it a bit difficult to keep his thoughts coherent.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. We encountered some… resistance as soon as Atlas left Earth. You were one of the few soldiers aboard, naturally during the brief conflict, protecting a civilian, you were wounded by a hard light blade.” The man deems his work completed enough for now and turns the data pad off, it shrinks and he slips it into his coat. Blue ocean orbs are completely fixed on Mark now.

“You know, it’s a good thing too, not that you were injured of course, but the fact that you were sent on this mission. If we hadn’t had you and the other two, I would’ve been forced to join the fray. Frankly I’m more suited to medical work…” The man exhales rather shakily in that moment, a strange air of vulnerability washes over the man. For some reason it captures Mark’s attention completely.

Military personnel was definitely not the only group that worked strenuously through times of turmoil. It was a rather humbling thought, and Mark felt bits of his previous confusion and weariness slowly fade away. It was a rather sobering thought, Mark felt a rather peculiar sense of respect for the medic.

With what Mark could only assume was a nervous habit, the man rubbed the back of his neck and smiled a rather unsure smile.

“Are you combat trained?” Mark inquires genuinely curious, he scans the medic’s clothes for any form of identification.

“Ah, yeah. I am. I-I’m not formerly the medic here either, more of a casual assistant until we land at Dextreria. I volunteered for the project as well. Oh and the name’s…” The man pauses for a moment and Mark has to wonder if the man was consumed in his own thoughts. “Call me Jack.” He seems to settle on, the cyan haired cadet nods, grateful for his rather strange new companionship with the medic.

“So were you the one that stitched me up?”

“Yes. I know I said I wasn’t the formal doctor here, but I still know what I’m doing.” Jack grins rather playfully as he settles into a floating chair next to the medical examination bed. “While I do enjoy chatting with you, I do need to make sure you’re not going to rip those stitches out. As long as they don’t turn red and puffy, I’ll be closing the wound for good with wound glue and removing the stitches.”

Mark doesn’t like the sound of ‘wound glue’, he winces.

“What, if I may ask, is wound glue?”

“Ah no worries. It’s a rather sophisticated mix of chemicals that heals any flesh wound. Really what it does is molecularly speed up the process in which your cells repair themselves. It’s a rather new medical product. It seems as though they’ve really supplied this expedition well.” Jack waves his hand in the air rather dismissively and combs his pale fingers through his light lilac hair.

Mark follows the movement with his eyes unconsciously.

“I would hope so considering the fact that we are supposed to be colonizing the planet.” Mark says more to himself than anything. Vaguely he remembers having a great deal of questions about the expedition itself.

From the beginning something about the entire operation seemed to be a bit sketchy. Who was he to question authority though? Granted yes he was military personnel, but he was simply a cadet pilot. For that matter, Mark wasn’t even sure if someone like Jack would know the full story behind the expedition either.

Dextreria was a planet discovered in the Omega system. Humanity had been overjoyed when the planet was deemed habitable. The atmosphere was composed of Oxygen, Carbon, much of the same organic material as Earth. Indigenous life was discovered, several new species of organic material such as plant life, and coal were also among the things discovered.

It wasn’t the actual planet that Mark was worried about anymore. Rather the almost rushed manner in which the military organized the colonization mission, a mere 25% of the planet had been discovered before the word was sent out and the Earth people flocked, eager to escape.

Earth was no stranger to the colonization of planets, Beta system contained four rather distinct human colonies. All of which the planets had been habitable, the only planet that had given the earthlings difficulties, had been Styx, home to several hostile creatures. Not to mention the air itself was extremely poisonous. Those that had been sent to colonize Styx, mandatorily stay inside their suits during any time outside public spaces. The clincher had been the fact that years had been poured into researching the planets before they were officially deemed safe enough to colonize.

Mark was rather worried when he first signed up for the colonization mission, if Dextreria turned out to be as miserable as Styx, he’d rather eternally fly amongst the stars, lost in his own personal heaven. Dextreria had been deemed colonization worthy after a mere month of research. Despite the cold hard facts, He’d much rather be amongst the vast open light of constellations he had once so fondly gazed up at on Earth, than return to life amongst the few remaining humans still bound to mother Earth. Dextreria was the perfect escape at the time.

Earth was a rather miserable place, filled to the brim with memories Mark would rather forget. Earth had been the home of Yousila Space Cadet Training, one of the only fond memories he carried of his birthplace. Earth had fallen rather rapidly into anarchy, most of Mark’s military career thereafter, included patrolling the ash grey skies. From above they had to control the riots. He cringes. He’d been so desperate to leave.

Mark had to wonder briefly if Jack had been Earth born.

“It’s a little strange I must admit, I’ve never seen so much of it in one place before. Though I feel like we can use whatever head start we can get. It’s not as though we have enough supplies to last forever, but it does seem like we are meant to last awhile before getting any new supplies.” Jack muses as he fiddles with the lapels of his medic coat.

Mark feels a burning question leave his lips before he can stop it.

“Do you feel like this colonization is different from the others?” Mark glances towards the medic expecting a response almost immediately.

“I…” Jack starts but shuts his mouth immediately.

“I mean this entire thing seemed sketchy to begin with. You realize that the other planets we’ve colonized so far, have only happened because years and years of research was poured into them. I’m not sure if you know this, but Dextreria was very different.” Brown eyes lock with ocean blue orbs. Jack gives him an almost pleading look.

“How do you know that?” Jack starts rather cautiously, he reaches in what he hopes is a subtle manner, to the back pocket of his medic coat.

“I had access to documents at a private terminal on earth. I guess they didn’t really want people to know not much had been uncovered before sending people out. I mean do you think half of the people on this ship would be here if they knew there was an unknown land waiting for them?” Mark pauses his musings and sighs slightly before turning back to Jack.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m over thinking things. It just seems weird that this is the only planet we’ve been sent to colonize without knowing 100% about the planet itself. We know next to nothing about what is truly out there. Doesn’t that scare you?” The cadet sighs and leans back against the medical bed, he winces as he feels the thread moving from the inside of his body and the outside simultaneously.

Jack worries his lip between his teeth. This cadet already knew too much, Jack had specific orders, if anyone seemed out of place. He couldn’t bring himself to tranquilize the man. With a sigh the lilac haired man stood and placed a warm palm gently across the cadet’s abdominal muscles.

“Don’t move too much. If you rip these stitches out, I’m going to refrain from using the wound glue.” Jack chastises as he presses gently against his patient's wound, ensuring the strength of the stitches had yet to be compromised.

“Ah, Fuck! Do you have to press on it so hard!?” Mark whined trying not to move against the hand pressed intimately against his wound.

“I was just making sure your stitches held up.”

“Well maybe your stitches are shit.” Mark combats, grinning pleased with himself.

“I could rip them if that’s what you would prefer.” Jack says rather nonchalantly and despite his weary disposition, he finds himself grinning right back. It’s nice to have another mind to speak with. As long as Mark didn’t mention anything further on the strangeness of their mission, Jack wouldn’t be forced to take action. He sincerely hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

“No thank you. You just went through the trouble of stitching me up nice and pretty again, sugar.” Jack freezes, his cheeks flush a light rose color. He’s sincerely hopes the rather soft blue lighting of the medic bay is dim enough to mask his embarrassment.

“I’m… Just going to pretend I didn’t hear that…” Jack murmurs and leaves the cadet’s side to fetch a few medical supplies. “I think your skin should be ripe enough to treat it with wound glue now.” Jack calls from the next room over, rifling through the supply drawers and washing his hands with antiseptic. He fetches a milder pain suppressant as well as an after thought.

Well shit. Mark did not like the idea of slathering an experimental medicine against his wound. It made his skin crawl.

Jack smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring manner, he organizes his work space and turns his attention to Mark again. With a very steady hand he reaches for the sheets, and rolls them back. All the while making sure to avoid any skin contact. The last thing they needed was the wound getting infected. As soon as the sheets are situated and out of the way, Jack slips on sterile gloves and begins gently applying the wound glue salve over bumps and ridges of flesh and thread.

Mark immediately recoils and a deep moan envelops the medical bay as his skin rather grotesquely and rapidly starts to stitch itself together again. The sensation was a feeling that Mark knew would stick with him for the rest of his life. It felt as if his skin was crawling with bugs, while simultaneously being burned from the inside out.

It’s over almost as quick as it had begun. Jack is prattling around the room putting up supplies, and tossing an object Mark can’t identify into the waste bin.

He feels rather dizzy, and let’s his mind drift into the land of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I intended to make this just one massive one shot, but I felt as though there wouldn't be much of a suspense having the whole 8,000 words that I have planned for this fic in one go. Thus I'm breaking it into smaller chapters. As such I have no idea how many chapters this will be because I'm more focused on the word count. (Don't question the title XD that comes into play later in the fic ;D) The summary scene will be in a later update.
> 
> If you have any questions, suggestions etc, feel free to let me know!
> 
> (Also check out the playlist for this fic on 8tracks here: http://8tracks.com/scissorsheep/vicarious-trauma)


	2. Memoria Damnum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE STARTING!! AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THE TITLE IS DIFFERENT!! It's much more suited to the fic now and fits the atmosphere better, I'm much happier with the new title.
> 
> Haha. ha. So I'm a fucking liar. This fic is going to be a bit more then 8,000 words. Buckle up guys it might be more of a journey then I was expecting.
> 
> Also on a side note if you guys want to check out this fic playlist you can find it here: http://8tracks.com/scissorsheep/vicarious-trauma

There is a loud clang that fills the mess hall as Felix unceremoniously drops his tray of food on the table space next to Ken. Truly, he didn’t give a single fuck if anyone was disturbed by his actions. He sits down rather grumpily and scowls at the consequential food that had spilled onto the table.

“Is there a reason why you just had to make a scene, Felix?” Ken rolls his eyes without bothering to visually confirm his friend's presence, he’s too busy shoveling food into his mouth to bother.

“Yes. Well no I guess. I’m just feeling on edge since the other day.” Felix grumbles as he picks up his fork and jabs it angrily into the mystery meat on his plate. It wasn’t as if the food looked unappetizing, Felix just wasn’t sure exactly what the protein was. Considering the fact that they were in space, he highly doubted the chefs aboard Atlas had prepared a meat course that he was familiar with.

“Well, I mean considering the fact that we are literally two of the three military soldiers aboard this ship, I certainly don’t blame you.” Ken sighs rather deeply before putting his fork down, he turns to the side, really taking in his friend’s appearance before continuing. “Look, I don’t know what is going on. But if things go south…”

“If things do go south, then guess what. The chances of us surviving become slimmer and slimmer. We certainly can’t protect this many people Ken if something like that happens again. Sure there weren’t that many bad guys, but what about next time?” It’s Felix’s turn to sigh, he glances up from his food tray and notices a rather studious woman giving him a glare that could melt comets. Felix felt his blood boil. 

“Felix. She’s staring over here because you just had to aggressively announce your presence.” Ken leans in a bit closer to his friend, “Look, I know. This whole situation is turning into a hassle. You can’t just assume though that something else is going to happen. If you’re in a constant state of panic, fear, distress, all it’s going to do is dull your senses. We’ll deal with it when the time comes.” 

Felix feels his patience spread thin by his friend’s last comment, it takes a considerable amount of self-control to reign his emotions back in.

“Ok. So say we don’t think about this. It’s not going to make the strangeness of this whole thing go away. Don’t you think we should try contacting the admiral or something? Requesting backup shouldn’t be a bad thing.”

“I don’t really see the harm in at least trying. I just don’t want you stressing too much about this. It could have been a simple case of us being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I mean there really wasn’t that many hostiles. It’s not uncommon to find little groups of enemies like that Felix.” Ken reaches out to rub his friend’s cheek in an affectionate manner, but changes his mind. Instead he reaches toward the base of his own neck, rubbing it in a nervous manner.

Ken was almost relieved that Felix had noticed there was something a bit off with their recent hostile encounter. They had managed to suppress the threat, but not without minor losses. The cyan haired cadet that fought alongside them had been overwhelmed, having been the first person to engage in combat. Now that he really thought about it, Ken wasn’t sure where the enemies had come from, in fact the only reason they had even known a struggle was occurring had been a rather distressed medic.

Well that and the mass of people that had begun to rush past them in a fit of hysteria. Realistically, they had no way of knowing if the hostiles had boarded Atlas shortly after boarding it’s passengers, or if they had been lying in wait in the bowels of the ship.

Ken felt a sense of dread completely overwhelm him.

“Felix, I think we should talk with the other cadet. Maybe he knows something we don’t.” Ken muses as he withdraws from the inner tendrils of his mind.

“I was thinking the same thing. We can go after we finish eating though. I’m starving. Whatever this meat is, I mean at this point I really don’t care, it tastes amazing.” Felix lets an exaggerated moan slip past his lips as they stretch around his fork, he suckles the morsel of meat from the fork making gaga eyes at his friend.

“Felix! Seriously! People are already pissed off with us since you made a ruckus earlier.”

“They can suck my hairy balls. I really don’t care.” Felix smirks triumphantly before shoveling more glorious food into his mouth. “Besides you’re too much fun to tease.” Is what he tries to say, but with a mouthful his words are garbled and nonsensical.

They share a rather challenging look. Ken let’s a rather dastardly smile stretch his lips.

“Fine pretty boy. If that’s the game you want to play…” the brunette stabs a rather phallic cut piece of meat with his fork. Felix winces and chuckles as he pictures the sheer pain it would be to experience such a sensation in certain extremities. The giggles are rather short lived however, replaced with a stunned silence and hot flush that races down the indigo haired man’s neck. Ken was rather sensually sucking and licking against the tip of the meat, his expression utterly wicked, as were the soft gentle pants after each lick.

“Ok! Ok! Holy shit, stop! You win!” Felix groans as soon as he manages to collect himself. He shields his eyes by draping his arm over them. He could feel the heat radiating from his cheeks. Desperately he blamed his reaction on pure embarrassment. (Truthfully, it took a lot to get under his skin, Felix knew it was a lie.) 

Ken grinned, pleased at the rather visual flush against his fine skinned friend.

Serves the fucker right.  
~~~  
“Look, I know that the other cadet is still recovering but we just have a few questions to ask him. It shouldn’t take very long.” Felix practically whined, he had been going back and forth with the medic for about half an hour at this point. It really didn’t seem as if his urgency over the situation was truly reaching the medic. Not to mention Ken wasn’t really helping the situation.

“Felix, why don’t we just stop by later? If he isn’t even awake right now there won’t be any point to us visiting.” Ken was also getting very frustrated at this point, his friend was incredibly stubborn at times and it was very apparent that they were going nowhere fast with the medic.

“I’m sorry. The patient is still in recovery. I administered a rather heavy sedative not that long ago. He’s fresh out of recovery. If anything were to impede with his healing process, there might be long term consequences. So I would greatly appreciate it if you two stopped by at a time when my patient is awake and lucid enough to hold a conversation.” Jack rather firmly states, crossing his arms.

“I don’t care if he’s awake or not. We can wait for him to get up.” Felix counters.

“Look, I appreciate the fact that you two saved us the other day, but I won’t be letting you into the medical bay. I don’t care who you are or what your business is with my patient. If you’d like to come back at a later time, I’d be happy to let you in.” Jack rather dismissively waves away the rather stubborn cadets, and steps into the threshold of the medic bay, he reaches for the lock button on the door control panel when a rather warm hand presses itself against his own.

“It’s ok. I feel like I’ll be able to talk with them if they want to come in.” Its Mark’s voice, he sounds absolutely exhausted. Jack turns reluctantly to face the cyan haired man.

“You shouldn’t be up. You need to be resting. You may feel ok enough to move around, but if you strain your newly repaired muscle and flesh, it can cause serious bruising. The flesh is extremely new.” Jack can practically feel the two cadet’s behind him staring holes into the back of his head. Were all flight cadets so damn stubborn? 

“It’ll be fine. It’s not like I’m going to go run a marathon or strain my muscles.” Mark mumbles as he leans rather heavily in the doorway, still feeling rather disoriented after being under the influence of so many sedatives in such a short period of time. 

"You do realize that regardless of what it is that you are physically doing, your muscles still contract and move? Even if you just sat and talked, it might overwork your newly healed wound." Jack's expression is unreadable, for some reason it unnerves Mark. His rather bright blue eyes had been filled with such a pretty sense of concentration earlier. Mark felt his breath hitch slightly as Jack refused to break eye contact.

He couldn't explain it. He knew that stare.

Without uttering a single word, Mark slowly slipped his fingers beneath the rather soft material of his civilian shirt before lifting it just enough to reveal the 'v' of his abdomen. 

"Look, see it's all healed up." Mark leaned in closer to Jack, with each word he spoke, his lips ghosted against the rose petal ears of the medic. Before Jack could stop himself, a small whimper passed his lips.

What they hadn't been expecting was the deep possessive growl that ripped passed Mark's lips.

With a rather defeated sigh Jack wordlessly turns to face the other cadets ushering them inside. His face was on fire, and his heart was beating erratically.

Jack, you can't! He chastised himself hanging his head in shame. Being around the familiar cyan hair is too much for him. He bites his lip hard enough to break the skin and leaves the men to their own devices. 

“Fucking finally.” Felix growls as he marches his way into the med bay, his chin held high, he’s rather delighted with the favorable outcome. He got his way in the end. Ken immediately senses the change in his friend and rolls his eyes, he’s also relieved. He had begun to wonder if he would have to force his indigo haired friend away. Thankfully it didn't seem as if the two had noticed the rather perplexing exchange between Mark and Jack. 

“Sorry for bothering you. We’ll try to be quick.” Ken mumbles as he settles into a floating stool, Felix opts to stand instead still glaring daggers at the medic in the other room.

“I feel...ok. Just feel a bit woozy, but from what I can tell the wound seems to be healed for the most part.” Mark mumbles and runs his fingers through his cyan hair. What the fuck was he doing? His mind was a mess, his heart was thumping wildly in his chest, and he felt a strange sense of nostalgia playing with the inner recesses of his mind.

“So what exactly happened?” It’s Felix that manages to ground Mark back to reality.

“Honestly I don’t know. All I can remember is boarding Atlas. Next thing I know I’ve ripped stitches that I don’t remember getting. I guess I must have passed out from the trauma, because the next time I wake up I’m here in the medic bay.” 

“So wait. You don’t remember engaging the hostiles?” Ken questions and leans back against his chair soaking in the new information.

“No. I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I had been injured in the first place. The only reason I knew I was wounded in the first place had been, well you know me bleeding out. I didn’t find out how until I asked Jack.”

“Is that the medic?” 

“Yeah. He told me to call him Jack anyway.” At that Felix and Ken share a glance, words pass simply from their shared gaze. Mark can’t quite discern either of the other cadet’s thoughts.

“You know, the only reason we even knew there was a struggle happening was because Jack came and fetched us.” Ken mutters, his chocolate orbs scanning over his friend’s face, gauging his response to the rather interesting new pieces of the puzzle they were presented with.

“Wait…. What are you suggesting?” Mark narrows his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest in a rather defensive manner. A hot wave of pure anger rolled through him. “You realize that it’s thanks to him that I lived and we successfully managed to defeat them.” 

“You don’t think that the whole situation is strange in any way?” It’s Felix this time who speaks up, with small and rather measured steps he approaches Mark.

“I know that he’s healed and stitched you up, you probably trust him a lot right now. But I’ve got a news flash for you buddy. Let me ask you one question first. How were you wounded according to the medic?” Felix steps right into Mark’s personal space, he shows no signs of relenting either, his eyes are hard and focused. Almost as if he had a point to prove.

“I was stabbed by a hard light blade in the abdomen.” Mark says simply, his eyes narrowing even further as he meets the indigo haired man’s gaze with an almost equal sense of confidence.

“I don’t even know you’re name. But I can tell you one thing. Whatever is going on here, that medic has something to do with it. He probably knows more than he is letting on. You were never injured by a hard light blade. You were shot.” Felix feels a rather smugness wash over him as the cadet’s eyes widen like saucers.

“What? The wound was too huge to have been caused by a gun shot. Besides, if it had been a gun shot, my skin would have been ragged and ripped apart.” 

“Well laser guns tend to leave rather linear wounds. It’s a super-heated flash that penetrates your body fast and quick. It’s not going to leave your flesh ragged and disintegrated.”

“I know what it’s like to be shot with a laser gun. It’s happened to me before.” Mark doesn’t know why but the mere idea that Jack may not be the person he had pegged him to be, deeply unsettled him. It’s not as if they had known each other for long, but perhaps Felix had spoken some a grain of truth. Jack had been the first person he had really spoken with aboard Atlas. At least that he could remember. “Besides, like I said earlier, the wound was much bigger than a simple bullet wound.” Mark mumbles mostly to himself. As if to question the doubts that had infected his mind.

“That’s what I’m still trying to figure out. There is no reason that you should be at risk of permanent muscle damage. Something isn’t right here. Do you think the military honestly would have sent only three operatives to oversee this entire expedition? Why the hell did we encounter resistance in the first place? Use your head. Someone on this ship knows more than they are admitting.”

“I hate to admit it, but Felix is right. Something seems weird about that medic. We need to be keeping a close eye on him. I overheard one of the bridge members talking at lunch, apparently we will be entering Dextreria’s atmosphere by the end of the week.” Ken stands and rather cautiously approaches the glass door on the opposite end of the med bay, what he says next is a low whisper. Being as cautious as possible at this point seemed to be their best bet. 

“Someone needs to watch him. If he tries to pull anything funny, then our suspicions will be confirmed. Maybe he’ll let something important slip.” 

They clearly had no choice at this point. As much as Mark wanted to refuse the idea, his military background had definitely started to raise red flags over the course of their conversation. He hated himself, the idea was utterly repulsive. These two cadets had poisoned his mind.

“I’ll watch him then." Mark says without missing a beat despite his internal ramblings. "He knows me more than the both of you. Besides you guys have done nothing but fight with Jack. In fact the only reason I was awake in the first place, was because all of you were making such a ruckus.” Mark let’s out a rather aggressive sigh, he gently pushes Felix away from him by the shoulder and makes his way to the glass door in which Jack sat blissfully unaware behind.

“Fine. I don’t want to talk with him anymore then absolutely necessary anyway.” Felix raises his eyebrow incredulously, as if Mark’s words had personally offended him. From the first moment Felix had spoken with the medic, he knew they weren't going to get along. 

Mark feels a rather suppressed anger flood through him again. He doesn't grace the other cadets with any other form of explanation, just simply walks over to the rather large glass door. He presses a large button at the top of the door’s control panel and steps into the threshold of the room. Before Ken and Felix have the chance to interject, Mark is shutting the door decisively behind him. Clearly the conversation was over.

“Do you think we can trust him?” Ken asks as they both rather numbly stand on the other side of the glass wall. They could see Mark moving about the room rather animatedly in an obvious attempt to attract Jack's attention.

It had been their every intention to reach some sort of mutual understanding with the other cadet. At this point it felt as if the only thing they had accomplished was pushing the man further away. At this point Ken felt as if he perfectly understood Felix’s level for concern over their situation. 

There was also the pressing matter of Mark’s memories. Or rather lack thereof. The medic ‘Jack’ as they had discovered, had apparently been spoon feeding the cadet lies. 

“I have a feeling that if we don’t figure out what is going on around here before we land on Dextreria, shit is really going to go south.” Felix rather quietly pointed out. Neither of them had moved.

They felt the revelation soak through their skin. It's a good five minutes before they regain their ability to move again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a couple of things, I added a new tag. Please pay attention to it, it's going to play a big roll in this fic and because of it, things might feel... like they escalate very quickly between two characters. ALL WILL BE REVEALED.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed any feedback is appreciated! :D


	3. Go home and never speak of this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is lyrics from the song Sad Machine by Porter Robinson. You can listen to the song on the fic's playlist here: http://8tracks.com/scissorsheep/vicarious-trauma
> 
> So I have an incredible muse for this fic. Thanks guys for the kudos and feedback! Hope you all enjoy this chapter <3
> 
> Ps: A very special guest appears in this chapter :D

It’s been two days since Mark was officially given a clean bill of health, he was free to leave the medical bay at any time he wished. So he did. He ventured the halls of Atlas, passing by several civilians, laughing, crying, and living. Everyone was lost in their own varying degree of exploration, there was an observation deck that looked out into the beautiful passing stars, a bar, and several smaller break areas in which people intermingled.

It was rather surreal to see a relatively normal cycle of people just simply living around him. For so long he had been tied to his military procedures, and while Mark enjoyed soaring through the sky, there were times in which he missed living a regular life. Mind you, not that he had much of one to begin with on earth, but it was something uniquely his.

He remembers laying down in fields of grass, gazing up above at the stars. Some nights it was even possible to see spaceships race through the night sky, chasing the stars. He would lay there for hours, long to be caressed by the void. Such an ethereal light had planted a deep longing within Mark. 

Somehow Mark found himself in Observation Deck B. There was a small group of people sitting against the floating couches opposite the impressive floor to wall glass windows. Exchanging whispers and laughter. Mark felt his chest sparkle with warmth, he was humbled by the smaller things sometimes. 

Not wanting to disturb them, Mark made his way to the large glass window, leaning against the railing there. It felt nice to just be able to relax and enjoy the stars again. They glittered and called out to him, just as they had when he was on earth. The only difference between then and now, had been the fact that he was finally living amongst the celestial balls of light.

It was a peaceful paradise. One in which he had fallen in love with so long ago. He closed his eyes, and let the strain melt from his muscles. The turmoil raging in his chest was calmed as well. For once his thoughts had felt the clearest they had in days. Every day he had spent in the medical ward, he woke with the same clouded haze plaguing his mind. He could never think clearly. Not to mention anytime Jack would gaze up at him with clear crystal eyes, his mind fell into an even deeper fog.

It was frustrating. Ever since the other cadets had practically interrogated him, he had begun to second guess everything. His mind would erupt with questions, only to be silenced and squashed under the curious weight of Jack’s gaze.

It was powerful. A pull. Mark felt his heart lurch.

It was suffocating. He didn’t know who, if anyone for that matter, was speaking the truth. The truth as far as he was concerned, was far out of his reach. Something was missing. A piece of the jigsaw puzzle his memories had become, was missing. He was uneasy, eager to put his trust in something. 

He had been seduced by impossibly blue stars.

Mark reveled in the clearness of his thoughts. It was such a wonderful feeling to be able to think properly again. He delved a bit further, was able to reach the inner sanctum of his mind, slowly he had started to pick up the pieces again.

And then it would be ripped away. Pieces were simply missing.

Try as he might, Mark was unable to recall even the slightest memory of engaging in combat. His memories after boarding Atlas, consisted of blue and red. 

He leans rather heavily against the railing and lets out a rather pained gasp, the muscles in his abdomen were giving him a warning. While he was completely healed at this point, Jack had warned him he’d experience ‘growing pains’ per say as his muscles adjusted and familiarized themselves with Mark’s movements. He wasn’t worried, as soon as he adjusted his position, the tightness in his belly uncoiled.

For some reason Mark felt his mind wander to the other cadets in that moment, almost as if the aching pain spurred a memory of sorts. He heard shouting, the sounds of laser fire, and then nothing. Blackness swept over the memory flash, but Mark’s abdomen was aching in a phantom way, it was more like the memory of pain that he felt.

Perplexed he touched a curious hand to his abdominal muscles which quivered against his touch. There was nothing strange or amiss with his skin. He pressed firmly into the flesh, and still nothing. There was no pain. 

He had many questions. 

He was walking again, leaving his personal paradise of the observation deck. He wanted something else.

Even though Mark had been released from the Medical bay several days ago, he still found himself spending a great deal of his time there.

The pull was so strong.

He’d had more questions than answers with each visit, yet still he found himself entering the passcode for entry against the door control panel. He stepped inside, and the silence greeted him. The lights were off, and it was obvious from the rather pristine state of the bay, that no one had yet disturbed the environment. 

Despite Mark’s earlier conclusion, he still felt the need to reach out to the darkness.

“Jack?” Mark called, stepping further into the room, absentmindedly he found himself running his fingertips against the top of the medical supply desk. The metal was a cool grey, it created shivers that rolled up Mark’s hand and up his arm.

“Jack isn’t here right now. Can I help you?” 

Mark jumped, his heart pounding wildly, reflexively he reached for the side of his belt hoping to find his weapon, when he remembered he was in civilian clothes.

“Who the hell is here?” Mark snarled as he glanced around his environment, seeking any abnormal movement.

“Just a secretary. I assist Jack with menial tasks when he is not here to assist patients and guests. I am only active when Jack leaves.” 

A soft lilac hue filled the space before a small eye holograph appeared on a pedestal close to the glass door leading to Jack’s office.

“I am the computer program Sam.” Sam’s voice filled the air as its holographic form stared rather expectantly at Mark. Mark didn’t like it one bit, the program was staring into his soul. He was at a loss for words.

“Uhm hi?” Mark settled on lamely as he approached the visual representation of Sam.

“It’s nice to meet you. But I am not allowed to let you enter this room without Jack’s permission. Is there anything that I can help you with?” Sam’s voice warned, it filled the speakers in the room and echoed around him.

It hit Mark in that moment.

Sam was a security program. 

“No. I’m good. Just looking for Jack. I think I’m going to go now, you know, since he isn’t here and all.” The cadet stated in what he hoped was a firm manner, if he made a single misstep, something told him ‘Sam’ was programmed to deal with intruders.

“How did you know the passcode to enter the medical bay, patient Mark?” Sam questioned rather sweetly and the holograph’s eye seemed to almost be smiling up at Mark.

“Jack gave it to me, if I ever needed help, he told me I was free to stop by at any time.” Mark treaded rather carefully, he straightened himself, hoping his body language would aid the truth to his words.

Sam’s holograph disappeared from the pedestal for a moment. A rather digitized mechanical whir filled the air, and Mark found himself glancing around the room, seeking the source of the sound.

“You speak the truth!” Sam stated cheerfully, the eye hologram flickered back into existence. “If that is all, then I must politely request visiting at a point in time in which Jack is present.” Sam’s hologram seemed to smile at him again before disappearing.

Mark didn’t need to be told twice, he made his way over to the medic bay door, before turning around slightly.

“Sam, do you know where Jack is?” Mark questioned the darkness, upon receiving no reply, Mark sighed but relented and left the room begrudgingly. He truly had wanted to talk with Jack, this time he had a purpose beyond aimlessly meandering into his space.

He wanted to know what the memory flash meant. Obviously he was able to discern the fact that the memory had indeed been from the hostile encounter, but it had opened many more doors than it had closed. His mind was reeling, he had felt the hot scorch of pain lick his body briefly. Almost as if his body was trying to force him into the memory, albeit it hadn’t been the most informative, but it was something.

Perhaps something had triggered it. He needed answers and Mark was convinced Jack somehow held the key to the lock.

But figuring out the meaning behind his memory, (if that’s what it even truly was) was not the only reason now that Mark needed to see Jack. Mark had new questions entailing the new computer security system Sam. As soon as Mark had approached Jack’s office in the med bay, the program had sprung to life.

What was Jack hiding? What was the purpose of a security system? Clearly Sam was guarding something, if Mark hadn’t been thinking clearly at the time, he fears Sam might have taken a more aggressive approach to keep him from gaining access to the inside of the office.

Mark had been inside that room several times over the course of the last few days, if Jack was truly hiding something, wouldn’t he have not allowed him in the room to begin with? Unless he had only recently acquired something with which he deemed necessary to keep under lock and key.

The more Mark thought about it the more frustrated he became. Nothing over the past few days had been resolved, he was stuck in an endless loop of unanswered questions. And an increasingly desperate urge to be in close proximity of Jack. His chest was beating so strongly he could hear the echoes of his own heart beat in his ears. 

His heart led him back to the observation deck.  
~~~  
“If you had sensed anything strange with him, we gave you clear orders.” 

“I know. I haven’t acted yet because there was no need for concern over anything that he has done so far. I haven’t been provoking him. He’s come to me on his own volition. I don’t know what you expect me to do. Clearly he hasn’t done anything suspicious yet.” Jack straightens his back and adjusts his reading glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

“If the present him, is coming to me of his own free will, then what do you propose I do?” Jack grits his teeth, the question feels like sin leaving his lips, he wishes he’d suppressed the urge to ask.

“Push him away. He can’t get close to you. If something snaps within him because of you, it’s going to unravel everything. I truly don’t think you want to endure the consequences if that were to ever occur.” The voice threatens. Jack can feel it, he shivers.

“He’s simply been coming to check up on his wound, to make sure it’s been healing properly.”

“Have you been administering…” The voice trails off. 

“Yes…” Jack sighs defeated, he hangs his head in shame, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

Unfortunately he had been following THAT part of their agreement.

“If you break our contract, I will personally see to it that he’s ripped away from you forever. After all he is technically military property. You are expendable at that point might I remind you.” The admiral challenged, turning from the beautiful galaxies and stars outside to face Jack. “You don’t want him gone again do you?” He questions, his expression is rather bored, lips pulled up in a slight smirk.

Jack had no choice.

“I understand perfectly.” Jack practically growls, he rips his eyes from the floor and returns the man’s gaze fiercely.

“Good. I’m glad we had this chat, Sean. You’re dismissed.” The man mutters petulantly.

Jack feels his insides squeeze painfully. He hated that man. He could do nothing but follow orders.  
~~~  
Jack’s legs are carrying him as fast as he can possibly go, he’s frustrated, and sick of hurting. Ironic considering the fact his profession deemed him a caregiver. Despite his rather infuriating encounter with the admiral earlier, he feels a rather strange sense of solace. He’s able to be alone with his thoughts. No one was visiting him. He could breathe.

It was the only thing he could do to keep himself floating. He had to remind himself in these brief moments of solitude to distance himself as much as he could from Mark. He couldn’t blow his cover. He couldn’t lose him again. 

Mark was making it extremely difficult for Jack. Ever since Mark had so neatly and innocently offered a flash of skin to him, his thoughts had solely revolved around the man. He wanted to touch him again. He missed having to care for the cadet. It didn’t help much that Mark was almost always in the medical bay with him, despite being released.

Jack pulls himself from his thoughts, desperately pushing his urges deep down. He couldn’t divulge in these fantasies. The more he indulged himself, the more he burned with need. He had to stop. With his heart heavy, Jack found himself passing the medical bay. He didn’t want to deal with any of this convoluted place anymore. He didn’t want to reach Dextreria. 

He was Atlas.

Jack felt his heart drop, as soon as he rounded the corner. There, leaning against the railing, was Mark. He was gazing out into the starry void, unaware that he was the exact person Jack had been trying to avoid. Mark was leaning forward slightly, his body posed like the statues Jack had seen on earth. The stars had freckled Mark’s skin with soft pivots of light. He looked absolutely breath taking. 

Jack’s breath hitches, his heart was pounding alarmingly fast. It was such a familiar sight. Mark turns immediately, curious as to whom had impeded on his solitude. By a stroke of luck, or be it fate, they both had found each other here.

“Jack…” Mark is the first to speak and his voice cracks slightly before he continues, “I was looking for you earlier.” He turns to face Jack completely now, but his body is still pressed against the railing. Jack can see the cadet's muscles twitching. Mark wants to greet him.

The pull is so strong. 

“I had business to attend to…” Jack whispers, his voice is shaky and he squeezes his eyes shut. 

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t! He almost yells aloud. The tension is suffocating.

Jack isn’t sure who moved first. He doesn’t care.

Their lips are pressing against each other, and Mark is pressing Jack against the observation glass. 

Jack is Atlas, and Mark is lust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T KILL ME PLEASE. I know it's a cliff hanger, but it was the perfect ending point. I couldn't write anymore. My mind refused to write anything else! I was a bit worried that I might have revealed a little too much for this chapter, but I feel like it was necessary to bring certain things up.
> 
> Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions! :)


	4. Pity Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what to do to make it all feel better -M  
> I'll cry until my pity party's in flames -J

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning guys, this chapter is a bit heavy hitting with angst, and the first NSFW scene! Yay! There is no actual penetration yet, but we'll get there. Also please listen to Pity Party remix by XVII when you read this chapter, it really sets the mood for everything <3
> 
> Buckle up everyone. Plot and porn time! (ALSO THERE IS VERY PUBLIC SEX. Don't worry they don't get caught, but if public sex makes you uncomfortable you're welcome to skip the porn!)

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like? To go to space?” His voice is soft, sweet, cheeks rounded and pink with excitement. Raven hair is splayed against the evergreen grass, the sky around them was blanketed with the lights of the heavens. Bright brown orbs glittered with the neon lights above them with such a sense of wonderment.

“Sometimes… I think space is huge. It’s a little scary…” The second boy whispers as he gingerly rests his head in the crook of his friend’s neck. He was facing sideways, their bodies are pressed firmly together, and their legs were intertwined in an effort to keep warm in the chilly weather. A fair hand was resting just above the gentle, comforting thump of his friend’s heart.

The wind kissed their legs, causing goosebumps to freckle their flesh occasionally. The wind was the only sound whispering around them, bathing them in serene comfort.

The ebony haired boy smiles, and rests his sun kissed hand against his friend’s, their tiny fingers slowly lace together.

“I think it is scary too, but it’s so pretty. And besides… one day I want to be up there, protecting people. Protecting you Sean.” His voice is firm, and chocolate eyes meld with crystal blue orbs. 

Sean feels his cheeks flare up, he buries his face further into his friend, brown hair tickling his friend with each subtle movement.

“Ok, Mark. But you better come back and see me sometimes...” Sean mumbles, his lips brushing tanned skin with each movement of his lips. 

Mark squeezes Sean’s hand. 

They don’t say anything else, they don’t need to. They bask in each other’s company, and fall asleep in the grass. Hearts twined together.  
~~~  
Mark was on autopilot at this point, his mind was prickling with so many new sensations, and not just the physical one’s he shared with Jack.

He’d remembered something! He’d remembered gazing up at the stars! It was almost entirely the same as his previous memories from that time. But this time, this memory was entirely different. There had been another boy with him, their warm skin had been pressed against each other. They were happy, hearts glowing as they discussed the void beyond.

Mark had felt a desperate wave of affection for the other boy in his memory. The boy whose name had been Sean. The boy he had sworn to protect such a long time ago. Mark felt a deep sense of loss. If this new memory was even real at all, that meant he had broken his promise to that boy so many years ago. Mark wanted to know more, and the sensation of Jack sinking his teeth into his lower lip was enough to ground him to the present again.

Mark’s lips part just enough to let a desperate gasp out, he’s experiencing a sensory overload. Jack’s lips are warm, soft, and it makes Mark wanton. This was going far ever then he had ever intended, not that he had really thought this whole thing through to begin with, but still. It was simultaneously too much, and not enough. Mark wanted more.

Mark pulls himself from Jack’s lips to collect his thoughts for the briefest of seconds, he wraps arms around Jack’s waist pulling him closer. Letting him feel the result of their fevered kiss. Jack’s eyes were screwed shut his glasses askew, and Mark wanted nothing more than to loose himself in their clear blue depths. Those eyes that looked so similar to the one’s he’d seen not moments ago in his memory.

Mark wasn’t even sure if it truly was a memory to begin with, but it was something. The pull, and emotions he had felt as he’d laid back against the stars, cuddling closely with Sean, was all too real for it to have been a fabricated image in his mind. At least that’s the excuse he’d managed to settle on in the brief seconds in which his lips had belonged to himself again.

“Look at me.” Mark commands, his voice is dangerously low, rough with need. Mark pulls a hand away from the medic’s waist, and places his thumb under Jack’s chin. 

“No…” Jack whispers, his voice is shaking, he sounds broken and defeated. An agonizing sense of regret rolls through Mark at the simple words. Perhaps he’d pushed the medic too far, perhaps Jack hadn’t felt the inexplicable pull. Every negative notion rolling through the cadet’s mind is instantly obliterated as Jack eagerly presses their lips together again. As if to pay small retribution to his earlier statement.

Mark takes the plunge, and a soft mewl fills the space between their lips. Mark is immediately assaulted with tiny blurbs of memories. Flashes of blue, purple, red and green. He was experiencing sounds, and smells. Mark chased the memories through their kiss. He took everything that the medic had to offer him, and took complete control over their kiss. 

Despite the lust clouding his mind, Mark had finally reached the question he should have been asking from the very beginning of this entire fiasco.

Why?

Just as Mark had been on the cusp of his answer, Jack was threading his fingers through Mark’s hair. Their hips had begun rutting together. And the question fell into the void of Mark’s mind yet again.

Jack almost violently rips his lips from Mark’s, his head collides with the glass window he’s currently plastered against, and holy shit, he’s panting hard. Jack’s mouth is formed into a perfect little ‘o’ as their hips rocked together rather sweetly, the friction was delicious. In such a short period of time Mark had managed to reduce Jack to putty.

As soon as Jack manages to collect his thoughts cohesively again, he feels an almost shameful want roll through him. He refuses to let his mind wander to the grave consequences of his actions. In this one moment he wanted to be selfish. Jack had been waiting for such a long time to feel Mark again. He’d happily deal with the consequences of his actions, later. Whatever fate wanted to throw his way, he’d deal with it. He had much more pressing matters to attend to.

Jack wants nothing more than to loose himself in the wild passion of Mark’s gaze, but he just knows everything would be ruined if he did. He’s finding it difficult as it is to keep his mouth shut. He wants to tell Mark everything. Be told that everything will be ok. He wants an outlet of escape from his choices. It was his decision after all that landed them at the exact moment that they were in now. If things had been different, if only he’d made a different choice at the time.

If only he’d stopped Mark from leaving in the first place.

Jack pulls apart from Mark, and laughs miserably. Jack tries to dismiss his corrosive thoughts, and becomes boldened with regret. Before Mark can recover any semblance of reality to question Jack’s outburst, the medic drops to his knees. The ferocity and want in Jack’s eyes shakes Mark to his very core. This was what he wanted all along. To see such pretty eyes filled with crystal gems gazing through him. Soothing the questions wreaking havoc in his mind.

Everything else fades into unimportance. The fact that they were still located at a very precarious part of the ship had faded into trivial matters they could care less about.

They were alone with the world perched above their shoulders.

Jack’s eyes were glazed, his pupils blown wide with lust, and his soft pink tongue moistened his kiss swollen lips. Mark’s breath hitched, just the way Jack used to love. The medic lets out a soft sigh against Mark’s civilian sweatpants, and Mark throbs thickly with anticipation.

“Daddy… ‘m gonna take care of this for you ok?” Jack murmured rather sensually as he teasingly licks Mark’s confined arousal. 

Mark is gone, an electric shock rolls through his spine, and settles in the pit of his abdomen, forcing the muscles there to tighten with arousal. A wrecked moan slips past his lips. Fuck. 

“Oh… Oh baby say it again…” Mark mumbles, voice dangerously low. With a rather surprising amount of self-restraint, Mark cradles the side of Jack’s neck. Almost lovingly he runs his thumb back and forth over the slight stubble on the underside of the medic’s chin. 

Jack takes the praise and files it away in the recesses of his mind. 

“Daddy…” Jack practically whispers, with eager movements he’s hooking his thumbs in Mark’s pants, and pulls them down. Jack feels his heart stop, apparently the cadet had forgone his undergarments. Mark’s penis is thick with arousal, leaking beads of precum onto the cool metal floor of the observation deck. It’s a deep rose color, and a bit veiny, but it’s everything that Jack remembers.

Mark’s knees go weak as Jack’s pretty lips stretch slightly around the head of his cock. Mark’s thumb is subtly pressing against Jack’s Adam’s apple, testing the pressure, he feels a tingly sense of dominance roll through him as Jack’s eyes roll in submission. He’s pushing Jack, gently, further down his length. He rolls his head back, letting the pleasure wrap around him like a warm security blanket. Letting his ego flare up, he’s high with the sensations assaulting his skin.

He relapses again into a memory.  
~~~  
“Tell me you’ll come back please…” It takes Mark a moment before he connects the dots. Its Jack’s worried voice that fills his mind. Everything is black, except for the brilliant lull of his voice.

“I will… Jack it’s just going to be an easy patrol mission. I’ll be able to fly with the stars and protect the people here on earth…” a second man mutters half exasperated, and half desperate for approval. Mark knows that voice all too well. It’s himself.

“What happens if something goes wrong, Mark?” Jack’s voice is furious, Mark can’t see what’s going on, but he imagines Jack is glaring daggers at him. A look he’d seen plenty times in the present.

“Nothing is going to go wrong. It’s what I’ve trained for my entire career. It’s going to go smoothly. I’ll come back Jack! I’m not going out there to die!” Memory Mark raises his voice slightly, and then lets out a heavy sigh before continuing, “Do you remember when we were little kids? Do you remember laying in the grass, cuddled close together? You remember the time before we dyed our hair?” Memory Mark chuckles softly, his voice much softer now.

“Yeah. What about it.” Jack’s voice is incredibly clipped and cold.

“I swore I’d protect you… I’m not going to break that promise…. Just as you asked me back then, I’m going to come home.” 

And all at once, Mark can see everything.

He watches himself pull Jack into a hug, their lips press together, and Jack absolutely melts into him.

They make love against the wall, Jack’s skin flushed pink, caressed by soft crystal tears that slip from his gorgeous eyes.  
~~~  
Mark is forced from the memory by an impossibly tight sensation pooling in the pit of his stomach, his body is so close to cumming. He’s hanging on the edge, and Jack is suckling so wonderfully at the very tip of Mark’s penis. He throbs thickly, and a small spurt of pre-cum paints the top of Jack’s pretty pink tongue.

Mark’s hips stutter, he’s pushing his cock over the soft plumpness of Jack’s lips, teasing himself. He’s tilting his head backwards, exposing the muscled column of his neck to the heavens. Not in submission, rather trust.

“Jack…” Mark murmurs, his voice is thick with emotions, his mind is reeling. His body kept him from delving too deep into the many questions he had. Mark wants to see Jack’s eyes. “Look at me, while you suck me down prettily…” Mark whispers, and rolls his head down to lock eyes with the lilac haired man.

Their eyes connect and Jack releases Mark with a soft pop.

“Call me Sean.” Jack whispers, his voice is strained and ragged, fucked from having Mark’s cock deep down his throat. And Jack wraps his pretty rose lips around the tip of Mark’s cock, and sucks Mark with a new sense of purpose. Jack’s heart is pounding wildly, fluttering within the caverns of his chest like a bird trapped in a metal cage. Having relinquished his first name at last, Jack hoped. Hoped with every fiber of his being that his Mark would come back to him.

“Sean!” Mark rasped, heavily. The pleasure was numbing his body, numbing his existence. 

His orgasm hit him sudden, every bone in his body vibrating as he shook and fell apart. His pieces shattered, his heart was so swollen and so full. Just as Jack’s cheeks filled up with Mark’s essence.

Mark’s mind was shattering, he was falling, deep into the void. But Sean was taking the plunge with him this time. Here in this moment, they were together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had actually wanted to get this chapter up the day after the last one, but I just wanted this chapter to be perfect. I took my sweet time. This is just one of the many smut scenes I have planned out, so worry not, all of the smut related tags will be explored thoroughly XD
> 
> Also just as a side note, if anyone is seriously confused, or just wanting clarification on something, ask away! As long as your question will not result in me giving spoilers, I will happily answer any! Some very big plot points were revealed in this chapter alone, so I understand :)
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just quickly before you start this chapter, pay attention to all the small things in the fic. Every chapter name, Atlas, Lazarus, all these names (styx) all have small little hints to the plot so *wink wink nudge nudge* 
> 
> Anyway enjoy!

Days until mission objective: 2

Jack stared at the impossibly bright screen. There was no way the days had already begun to crunch down. He had been previously occupied (not that he minded much at the time, but in hindsight he should have had the personal will to push Mark away and focus.) But the danger and threat that awaited them on Dextreria was not something to be taken lightly. The minute they managed to step foot on the breathtaking planet, the truth would slowly start to become apparent. For that matter, Jack knew that his days with Mark were numbered in the present as well. If Admiral Shunack caught wind of his explicit relations with Mark... Jack physically felt a tangible sense of dread crawl through his skin.

Even if the Admiral never discovered their sexual encounter, the mere fact that Jack had purposefully avoided administering Memoria to Mark over the last two days, would be enough to incarcerate him. 

This was his contract. Jack was bound to obedience, and any disobedience would yield grave consequences. 

This was the will of fate, the result of his irrational decision about a year back. 

It wasn’t as if he’d had any other choice at the time, and when the chance to save Mark’s life had presented itself, Jack absolutely sprang into action. There was no way he was going to leave Mark, in his extremely unstable medical condition. Without the intervention of new modern medicine, Mark would have died. His body would have rotted from the inside out as it floated away into space. But that was a story that had taken place a little over a year ago.

There was no way in any state of mind, that Jack would have chosen anything else at that fragile point in time.

Which then begs the question: if it hadn’t been Mark, would the same experiment have come to fruition under the influence of another person? Would anyone else have had the strength to endure controlled bursts of Memoria?

The answer was quite harsh, and Jack had a sinking feeling he had already reached the only valid conclusion to such a trivial inquiry. 

Of course.

Memoria was a rather new substance developed by the military, it was at the time presented to Jack as a means to strengthen the minds of its host. It had been presented as a possible way to invigorate new purpose into humans, turn them into the most perfect enhanced soldiers. And they had very inconclusive data on Memoria. For example, they proposed the idea of exploring it’s limitations with humans in the past, and the perfect test subject had been delivered to their doorstep.

A gravely injured cadet who had been wounded in combat. Yes they had the technology to both repair his skin and mind, but as they had mentioned to Jack before. What made Mark so special? Amongst the rest of the wounded flight cadets, what made Mark the one and only object of their practices? Truly he was an ideal soldier, he had obeyed orders to their exact instruction, he excelled in piloting, excelled in menial things such as hand to hand combat. Mark had been the epitome of a healthy subject. Before the patrol mission though of course.

So the military sweetened the pot. They chose Mark out of thousands of dying cadets, promised Jack to return his beloved, once they had collected enough data on their new experimental supplement: Memoria. They had named the project: Lazarus. In exchange for healing Mark, they wished to use Memoria on Mark. He would become the first human that the serum would be tested on.

The serum was cast in such a beautiful bright light. 

Jack believed them. Because what else could he do? Drop on his knees and beg? He had already tried, and thus wound himself in the cusp of accepting a rash proposal. He signed without a second thought.

There were rules in which he had skimmed through in his haste to absolve his beloved's pain.

1\. The subject will be administered the serum: Memoria, designed with new materials acquired through a recent space exploration mission.  
2\. Memoria is designed as an enhancement, a guide to enlightening one’s consciousness. In order to reach its maximum potential, the drug must be administered in controlled sessions.  
3\. The subject will be administered small doses over a 1 month course of treatment.  
4\. The subject will be treated for wounds received in battle, including both flesh and internal wounds.  
5\. The subject will be placed under military surveillance after medical treatment, and will be inaccessible at such a point in time. No outside peoples are authorized access to the subject.  
6\. The subject will experience minor memory loss as result of Memoria, and may or may not recover with time. Other minor side effects such as headache, nausea, increased difficulty for all muscle movements, reduced rational judgement. Severe reactions that may present themselves are as follows: seizure, brain death, coma, and the inability to breathe.   
7\. The subject will not be released from military ownership until conclusive data has been collected.  
8\. The subject will be kept until further notice if the results reach the threshold set for the experiment.   
9\. The subject is military property until further notice.  
10\. The Lazarus project personnel is in no way shape or form, responsible for any side effects the subject may incur upon beginning the experiment and any legal actions and or medical attention required after the experiment, shall not be held liable for.   
11\. Upon signing this contract, the signer acknowledges the above facts, and offers his services to the Lazarus project, should there ever procure a time in which such services are required.

In hindsight, Jack wished he had read the documents with heavier scrutiny. Although even if he had read the entirety of the documents, Jack knew he would have come to the same conclusion. So he signed the papers. Jack would have done anything, given anything, at the time in order for Mark to receive medical attention.

Jack at the time had been undergoing medical training through a military funded program, but he was just a student at the time. Mark had been fresh out of Yousila Cadet Training, and even with their combined incomes, Jack had nowhere near the funds to procure a treatment fund for his beloved. And while Jack had been on the verge of graduation, he lacked the funds to buy medical supplies, and lacked the skills to even attempt to heal Mark on his own. Jack had no other option but to accept the proposal laid before him.

Mark had been subjected to Memoria over the course of a month as promised in legal documents. He had been treated and healed of all external and internal injuries incurred on his mission. The final blow that pierced a heavy spear of guilt through Jack's body, was learning about the rest of Mark’s squad. They had been left to rot. Their flesh would comb the earth and lay the soil for plants and flowers to dance upon. 

The military had what they wanted, they had procured a valid test subject. The rest had become disposable. Especially since Mark’s squad of cadets had been on a simple reconnaissance mission when they had been intercepted and caught off guard by a militia group, they had been heavily armed and wreaked havoc in the skies. Flames broiled across the sodden land as fighter planes kissed the earth below.

They were nothing but replaceable pawns. If the military needed to, they were capable of harvesting new flight cadets from any of their colonies. The only exception being Mark.

After Jack had signed the contract and Mark was taken into the Lazarus project's custody, everything seemed to be operating according to plan. As far as Jack had heard, he would be seeing Mark soon, and he had provided the military with ample amounts of conclusive data under the influence of Memoria. But Lazarus was greedy.

Jack had yet to grasp the weight of the situation and he wouldn’t for some time. 

Over the course of the next few months, Jack had begun to hear less and less from Project Lazarus. Until eventually they dropped all contact with Jack. He had yet to hear from anyone regarding Mark’s condition and whereabouts after completing their initial experiment. Months turned to a year. During that time frame, Jack had graduated from his medical training. Jack channeled his frustration at the lack of communication into motivation and graduated at the top of his class.

See now this is the pivotal point in which Jack is finally introduced to the absolute chaos he'd signed and agreed to.

After graduation, just as Jack was beginning to think the worst had happened to his beloved, Admiral Shunack from the Lazarus project had contacted him. The results of their experiment had not been relinquished to Jack, but they held promises of reuniting the two lovers once again. On one condition. Sighting rule 11 the Admiral forced Jack into the Lazarus project, and offered him further medical training which had been thrown in almost as an afterthought. Jack was going to prove useful to the project for his newly acquired skills as a medic. But they were greedy, and wished to fatten his skills and broaden his horizons if they were going to utilize every ounce of the graduate to their advantage. 

Jack had no choice but to accept. Lazarus still held full custody of Mark, and it was becoming increasingly apparent that the military was not yet ready to release their pawn.

Jack absolutely detested the vile things that had transpired next. Jack learned everything, eventually. The reason behind the Lazarus project, the objective to replicate Memoria. After the completion of the Lazarus medical program, Jack was assigned to be Mark's primary health technician.

Truthfully Jack hadn’t fully understood why it had been deemed necessary for him to be Mark’s primary medic at the time. 

That is until he finally was able to breathe the same air as Mark again. Jack had not reached this conclusion at the time, but eventually it became clear that Admiral Shunack was well aware of the emotional distress it would cause Jack to see his lover in such a state.

Jack’s heart had splintered into thousands of pieces when they had finally been reunited. Mark had no idea who he was. It was almost as if Jack had completely been erased from the cadet’s mind.

Memoria was a substance that the Lazarus project had been utilizing in order to manually induce brain hypoxia. Jack was finally able to connect all the pieces of the puzzle. They had been used. The military had funded the Lazarus project, knowing the grave effects Memoria would induce on any and all patients.

There was a rather profound moment of clairvoyance that caressed Jack. He was absolutely disgusted. The goal of Lazarus was to wipe any preconceived memories from their soldier’s minds. And they were running incredibly dry with the supplies necessary to replicate Memoria. Jack found himself looped into yet another contract with the Admiral. With threats of ripping Mark apart from him yet again.

Jack would accompany Project Lazarus on a supply mission to the newly discovered planet Dextreria, he would act as Mark’s primary medic and continue to treat Mark with Memoria. The operation would be conducted and presented to the public under the guise of a colonization mission. After all they needed test subjects once they obtained ample quantities of the necessary ingredients to further produce the serum.

Mark would receive a rather heavy dose of Memoria, and brainwashed with a fake past. They would recruit Mark into the program without the cadet's knowledge of any previous encounters with Lazarus. They would put their serum to use, test the effectiveness in creating a more deadly breed of soldier. Lazarus had planned a fake attack to test the cadet.

With the plan now established Jack had to wonder, even if Lazarus was able to harvest the supplies they sought, what guaranteed him freedom after their mission? Jack had nothing but the Admiral’s word that the project would keep up their end of the bargain and release them. And beyond that, Jack was red hot with anger. He had been lied to and played for a fool. Mark had been subjected to forced memory loss, with no guarantee that he would ever regain his lost memories. To make matters even worse, Jack had to bear the weight of placing hundreds of lives in danger. Regardless of the logical part of Jack's mind that tried to remind him this situation was inevitable, he couldn't help but feel responsible.

If the Lazarus project succeeded in producing massive quantities of Memoria, all of the people aboard Atlas (the ship that had been chosen to carry Lazarus to Dextreria) would lose their precious memories. The images of their loved ones would pool to the floor and drain away. Every past experience that had shaped each individual person into the human they were, would be long tossed into the void of hypoxia.

With clean slates, the people could fight harder. Die harder. Fight without the weight of loved ones constantly on their shoulders.

Jack broke down.

He was Atlas, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He wanted nothing more than to tell Mark everything. He wanted to fix everything, correct what he had in his mind, caused.

So Jack was going to do just that. Against Sam's wishes, Jack found himself tentatively exploring the bowels of Atlas, where he found himself face to face with the other flight cadets.

“I’m only going to ask you once…” The indigo haired cadet mumbled as he pulled a pistol form his waist, “What is going on around here? Do you know something that we don’t?” 

Jack’s fight or flight instincts kicked in, he wanted nothing more than to flee, but his rational mind reasoned that leaving would be the wrong choice here.

“Yes…” Jack practically growled, his blue eyes cold.

~~~  
Mark felt like shit. His head had been pounding nonstop since the floodgates to his memories had been obliterated. Not to mention his mind was scrambled with an insurmountable degree of affection for the medic, who had since been ignoring him rather aggressively. Mark couldn't really blame him though. In truth Mark was combating his own demons. Just because his mind had begun to conjure up images of a questionable past, didn't mean that they were necessarily true. Mark didn't want to believe in the possibility that the memories were fabricated. He didn't want to have simply imagined the experiences he'd practically relived. The emotions that had surrounded him with each new memory had been breath taking.

He wanted it. He craved it desperately. To have loved someone with such a pure passion, had completely blindsided him. To his knowledge he had never felt that way prior to recovering an alternate reality he wished was the truth.

If the memories did turn out to be true, it would both answer questions, yet at the same time give birth to more taxing questions. Mark wanted to know everything. Mark wanted to kiss Jack's skin again, feel the medic squirm and writhe beneath himself completely overwhelmed with pleasure. Mark's reality had been shattered in one night, he was hanging on the edge of both knowing everything, yet knowing nothing at the same time.

The only way that he could seek any semblance of confirmation to his memories would be to speak with Jack. But the medic had barricaded himself away in the medical bay. Sam was also activated and on duty, keeping a rather watchful eye on the entire ward. If anyone came close to the medical bay without Jack's permission, an eerie screeching sound would fill the air. But besides Sam, the other obstacle he had been presented with was the two cadet's that had interrogated him. They were also making regular visits to the medical bay. It was mainly the indigo haired man that went, he found the intense auditory reprimand for approaching the medical bay less taxing then his brunette companion.

It became clear to Mark that if he wished to speak with Jack, he'd have to catch him outside of the medical bay and away from prying eyes. Mark could do nothing but wait.

Mark could do nothing but ache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't decide with this chapter if I wanted these two to interact right after their encounter, but I felt like Jack would've been too overwhelmed to deal with Mark freaking out yet. I was also debating on whether I should add ken and felix in the chapter... but this just felt right :) 
> 
> As always if you have any questions or what not, feel free to ask! As long as your question won't possibly spoil things I'd be happy to explain :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Vicarious Trauma (Game In Progress)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10533714) by [ScissorSheep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScissorSheep/pseuds/ScissorSheep)




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